"It’s a strange and rocky trail" is the way a lyric line goes, in the song I wrote during the week following the July 27th shotgun assault on TVUUC. I think I wrote it a day or two after the writing of my July 29th blog post. The song’s title is "Give Me A Warm Shoulder To Lean On". It will be on my playlist at my next gig. The song came from that place where my innermost feelings reside.
All in all, the aftermath of the tragic events of that Sunday truly is a roller-coaster. In the beginning I cried a lot; sometimes nothing at all would trigger the tears. Rather, they seemed like a safety valve letting loose. Some days I could convince myself that things felt normal again, but not for long; the scene would re-play itself in my mind and the reality of it sank in.
Lately, I’ve been experiencing a disturbing struggle with my (normally very keen) ability to focus. Often now, my thoughts seem to be on a conveyor belt, moving very fast. I find myself trying to grab my thoughts off that belt as they whiz by.
I’m reminded now of an old episode of the "I Love Lucy" television show, where Lucy had gotten herself a job on a production line in a candy factory. Does anyone beside me remember her standing there trying to pick up each piece of candy as it rode along on the conveyer? At first it was easy for her, but then the belt picked up increasing amounts of speed and she couldn’t keep up with it, and all the pieces of candy escaped whatever process she was supposed to be doing to them. I’ve been seeing that comical image in my mind over the past week or so.
Thankfully, trauma counselors have been and will again be at church. It’s helpful to be able to talk about the many turns and guide posts on this "road back".
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Animals & Nature -- Natural Healers
Anyone who knows me and/or has read my blog over a period of time, knows I greatly love nature and animals and have the utmost feeling of spiritual connection with them. Many of my songs were written, or at least begun, while walking in the park or hiking on a trail.
On Thursday of this week, I went for my second visit to Horse Haven of Tennessee, this time as a volunteer. My initial scant knowledge about horses has been growing. Thanks in part to my internet searches about horse care and behavior, though much more directly to the volunteers at HHT (please see my July post about this wonderful rescue organization), I now don’t feel like such a rookie and I am gathering considerable practical horse skills. On Thursday, I was able to pet a beautiful but frightened horse, who is on her own road back ... from abuse, fear, and pain. The first couple of times I gently touched her, I could see and feel her shoulder muscle flinching. I followed the suggestions of volunteer Sue and, within minutes, this magnificent horse relaxed and enjoyed my gently stroking her shoulder. It was a rewarding, centering, and joyful moment for me.
Along with that experience, I just happen to have two pet-sitting gigs at the moment ... two dogs (Annie and Dusty) and one cat (Scout). Each of these animals is a delight in her/his own way.
On Thursday of this week, I went for my second visit to Horse Haven of Tennessee, this time as a volunteer. My initial scant knowledge about horses has been growing. Thanks in part to my internet searches about horse care and behavior, though much more directly to the volunteers at HHT (please see my July post about this wonderful rescue organization), I now don’t feel like such a rookie and I am gathering considerable practical horse skills. On Thursday, I was able to pet a beautiful but frightened horse, who is on her own road back ... from abuse, fear, and pain. The first couple of times I gently touched her, I could see and feel her shoulder muscle flinching. I followed the suggestions of volunteer Sue and, within minutes, this magnificent horse relaxed and enjoyed my gently stroking her shoulder. It was a rewarding, centering, and joyful moment for me.
Along with that experience, I just happen to have two pet-sitting gigs at the moment ... two dogs (Annie and Dusty) and one cat (Scout). Each of these animals is a delight in her/his own way.
Thank You ...
My very sincere thanks and loving appreciation to those of you who expressed your love and caring over the past few weeks. I appreciate you way more than my words can convey.
Flowers Of Late Summer --
It’s hard to believe that kids are back in school and summer is winding down. My black-eyed susans still seem at their peak; my purple iron weeds (scroll down and see picture of last year’s blooms) are again peeking in at me through the front and side windows; the phlox, echinacea, and orange lanterns are gem-like in their brilliance and clarity. A light sprinkling of early-fallen tree leaves dot the grass in my back yard. I guess I’m a flower of late summer. My birthday is September 1st.
Update On Contaminated Gasoline Experience --
Please see my July post about contaminated gasoline and my truck’s repair. I’m pleased to report that I have received financial reimbursement for Lance’s three-day repair process and a tank of new, clean gasoline, following his ingesting some very badly contaminated fuel. Nothing is included in the reimbursement for Lance’s near-death experience or my three days of anguish, but my truck is his old self again and I’ve got my $600 back. I’m satisfied.
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