Talking It Over ...

(I originally posted this in March of this year and then took it down after a few days, thinking that it was too self-revealing.  I kept the hard copy and decided I ought to re-post it, so here it is):

I'll share the following in the hopes that it might benefit a reader or two in the way it helps me. This is about feelings :)

When my feelings -- especially anxious feelings -- start grabbing a monopoly on my mindset and my thoughts, I like to get out of the house and on the road or to a park.  I also have a meditation room in my home that is very welcoming, where I like to spend some time each day.

While driving or at a relatively serene natural place (or even, at urgent times, in a shopping center parking lot), I make the effort to focus on the feeling that is bothering me and causing my discomfort.  As I write this, I recall that as a child, I was taught by example and by habit to repress my feelings. So in my past (when I was young), my strategy -- if it could be called that -- was to dodge, deny, or shift my feelings of discomfort so that they would seem to "go away". This resulted in what I remember as a never-ending drama that tended to put me in the role of emotional shape-shifter.  It really was an effort to modify or appease or justify or collude with whatever was causing the uncomfortable feeling.  And it caused me to suffer.

At some point in more recent times, it became clear to me, largely through the writings of my favorite author, Thich Nhat Hahn (to whom I was gently steered by my very close friend), that looking directly at a feeling is the best thing to do.  At first that seemed difficult and sometimes it still is. But, honestly, it is one of the best medicines I have found (the others being meditation, prayer, nature, and music).

When I chose the post title "Talking It Over", I meant talking it over with Self when each urgent or important feeling arises -- truly acknowledging the feeling.  As I need to actually hear my own voice speaking of my specific feelings, this conversation is best done aloud in a vehicle or within some other personal and private environment. Yes, I'm suggesting talking to oneself.  The conversation can go into detail or it can be simple like saying "This is a feeling of anxiety", "This is a feeling of fear", "This is a feeling of need", "This is a feeling of disappointment, "This is a feeling of resentment", "This is a feeling of anger" -- and that BIG one -- "This is a feeling of insecurity".  Once the statement is uttered, the feeling becomes easier to understand and handle.  It also, I believe, helps to bring angelic energy to my aid.

I try to remember to similarly also bring to the surface positive emotional feelings like "This is a feeling of wonder", "This is a feeling of joy", "This is a feeling of trust", "This is a feeling of achievement", "This is a feeling of love", "This is a feeling of peace", "This is a feeling of acceptance", "This is a feeling of comfort", "This is a feeling of gratitude".  The utterance of the words, I believe, reinforces angelic and positive energy.

Of course it's a very good thing to be able to be "talking it over" with a trusted friend or a professional listener.  Always, though, Self is there as a valued, accessible consultant.

Sweet Home (away from home) Alabama –

Soon, soon, soon!

These days I remind Dixie Lee that she will again be a "beach doggie"! I’m so looking forward to my pilgrimage to the beach. I am needing the healing energy and wonderful ions of the surf, the visual connection to the rest of the Universe, as I gaze at the vanishing point on the horizon, where the water meets the sky. I’m especially fond of the early mornings there and I love to greet the day at the ocean’s edge.
　

Poignant News –

Seeing the news photo of the Millwood Road animal shelter (humane society) building destroyed by today’s flames, brings back a flood of memories to me (and I’m sure to many others, too). For 13 years I was associated with the humane society ... for the first three years as a hands-on volunteer (walking dogs and cleaning their cages) and then as education director, traveling with my program to schools and organizations throughout Knox and contiguous counties. I kept doing it because I wanted to save animals’ lives by promoting responsible pet ownership and spay/neuter. I did bring the message to hundreds of classrooms, youth organizations, and civic groups until my job was eliminated in early 2004.

Thousands of animals came through the doors of that old building each year. The lucky minority were adopted ... the rest were dispatched when their time was up – or sooner if they were "owner surrendered". Of all the situations there that broke my heart, it was the suffering of the house-trained adult dogs, who were in the top tier of the old cement cages, that was the saddest; they had no access to the outdoors. I still see images of them and their distress, in my mind’s eye.

The news photo shows the large holly tree as it still stands next to the building, a silent witness to so much. The news article says that an arson investigator has been called in.

Employees had sometimes talked among themselves about "seeing" animals who were no longer there, moving about in the euthanasia room; the employees concluded that it must be an "energy field". I never went inside that room.

So, goodbye to the corridors and rooms where lives were extinguished, and the spirits of many, many animals roamed. The news article says that the fire left only the outer walls of the building remaining.

Pre-storm –

There was one such time recently; it lasted between two and four minutes, during which the wind rose in the dramatic crescendo of waves and swirls that prefaces rain. It whistled in little howling voices and pushed us around on our porch balcony. It pulled my hair outward and upward. Dixie Lee’s ears blew backward and were close against her head. Small tree branches snapped and flew around before landing on the balcony floor and the ground below. We were too excited to go indoors, in too much wonderment to hide.

I swear we both morphed (at least in spirit) into wild beasts, with our fur ruffled and rippling, all senses at the ready, standing on our craggy cliff, our faces forward in the currents of wind and energy.

You probably can tell that I’m excited and energized by storms and weather phenomena and sometimes I seek them out, but this one came calling at my address. Dixie Lee and I stayed on the porch balcony until the danger point was nigh, at which time we ducked indoors and listened to the rain on the metal roof.