my September song ...

Dear Readers, 
I've been out of touch for a couple of months and it seems like much longer. I hope that people still read blogs.

I was honored to be doing what I could to assist my beloved closest friend through a surgery and hospital stay. He is recovering well now at home and I'm so proud of him and his courage and wonderful spirit. 

Another person in my realm was distressed recently when told a needed hip replacement couldn't be done because of some other existing health concerns. He is now getting in-home health therapy which is a welcomed step forward.

Shifting gears, I'm wondering if there is anything that the general populace can do to help unite people together and gather the momentum to promote peace? Peace is cool (war isn't).  It would be a comforting contrast to current news items.  I'd love to hear songs like we heard in the '60s .... "Love Train" and "He's Not Heavy He's My Brother", "Blowin' In The Wind", "Imagine", and many other of the wonderful songs of that time.  I think we truly can say that the hippies had it right! These songs are beautiful, humane, inspiring, exciting, and could really do some good now. We would hope for radio stations with the courage to play them. We humans need universal love, compassion for each other and for our fellow beings the animals, respect for our planet, and a sense of gratitude for life itself and all that is beautiful.

I'd like to write a little joyful thing here. I always have a little reservoir of joy on hand, just waiting to make an appearance. Here we are in the initial days of autumn (Autumnal Equinox) ... equal daylight and darkness on the 22nd! And no matter what the circumstances, Nature offers comfort and balance and good energy.Trees are magic in their ability to absorb our concerns and take us in under their comforting boughs. My personal immediate advice includes hugging a tree and petting a dog or cat. My dog, Ruby, is like a psychologist, able to look into my eyes and lift up my thoughts. Also, I find that doing something nice for somebody really does give me joy. So, with gratitude, I thank anyone who is reading this blog. And I thank everyone who promotes kindness today.

Seeking And Offering Solace Along The Path –

My life's chariot is pulled along by two marvelous powers -- one is intuitive music for which I am a thankful conduit ... and the other is the wonder of the universe, nature and our fellow travelers, the animals.

The music genres I crave and identify with are blues, jazz, and love ballads. Blues is the most honest music in the world ... it cleanses, lifts, wails, exalts, sobs, complains, resolves ... all the feelings. I love to perform and listen to blues. Jazz I admire when hearing others play it, although I prefer to be playing it myself than listening because I like to create ‘as I go'. Blues and jazz are precious music forms given to us by our African-American people. Born in sad and impoverished conditions, these music forms endured and we are fortunate to have them. I offer my deep thanks to those creative, musical people whose fortitude and talent gave us this music. My piano students know that one of the first things I teach them is the ability to create a song with the I, IV, V chords and 12-bar blues. 

From my Buddhist, Animist, and Shaman standpoint, I see and regard all beings and all of nature as precious and part of the grand tapestry. I see the need for humaneness, harmony, and compassion in dealing with humans and with the rest of creation. Early on in my life, the Animist and Shamanic qualities were part of my consciousness (though I didn't yet know their names ... and later on, I learned that there are other people with these feelings). During the “autumn” of my life – a nice phrase referred to by my best and very beloved friend – I became attuned to Buddhism (by way of said beloved person) and I admire the way he conducts his spiritual self. Also I admire the words of the Dalai Lama and one quote of his that I want to write here is: “My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.”  

A few days ago, I wrote and briefly posted a lengthy blog article about national and world problems, politics, and social issues. The article was very accurate, but it felt disturbing to me when I read it, so I took it off the blog so it wouldn't disturb others. Since all living beings are connected at a cellular level (here I’m borrowing an oft-said, very wise Native American quote which says "whatever happens to one individual or species will ultimately happen to all,") I feel the need to offer readers, our planet, all species, and myself the hope of a path to peace and humane love. Kindness. I believe the healing needs to come from within each of us and it must come from humane love. 

I invite you to see my "Healing The Earth Family" blog at 
http://healingtheearthfamily.blogspot.com/. It's a novel, comprehensive program and it ends with a nice, uplifting song.

I would like to add to this writing a closing thought and a request. 

The thought is:  We are, each and all, ripples in the tide of life's ocean. Each ripple is a part of that ocean and affects its entirety.  

The request is:  Please pray to the God of your understanding ... for peace, justice, harmony, compassion, humane love, wisdom, respect, ethics, courage, faith, blessings, gratitude, awakening.

Thoughts For Chaotic TImes ...

Sunny, sunny day ...  Spring is on the way and on March 20th we will have the Vernal Equinox, first official day of Spring and equal hours of daylight and darkness!  Accentuate the positive :)

Things in our world are chaotic; the election politics are vicious, the middle class is in financial difficulty, our fellow creatures in Nature are in trouble, and our nation is coming apart at the seams in all the important categories. We're encouraged to vote ... and we do vote ... and yet there are super delegates who can ignore our votes and decide elections. Much of the media and both of the party national committees are definitely not playing a fair and impartial role, quite the opposite. They each in their own way are choosing our nominees and next president. There is a lot of anger being expressed in news reader comments by "ordinary" citizens and the outcome is of great concern. And so ...

And so I look out upon the sunny day and try and think of good things. The sun is helpful. I think about my walk along a spiritual path that is guided by Buddhism, Animism, Nature, Empathy, and Wonder.  For me, they go together very well. I understand and love the concept of mindfulness and am greatly helped by it. How about (to go with mindfulness) soulfulness?  I don't think I've heard anyone speak of soulfulness.  Soulfulness feels like love and compassion, deep caring. Wonderful Buddhist author Thich Nhat Hahn doesn't call it that but his writings are full of references to how each of us is part of, responsible for, and connected with the plight of others. His references to the unfortunate life roles of pirates and prostitutes, for example, are food for thought.  His wonderful references to flowers and other denizens of Nature ... and the "continuation" of each living entity, give light and hope.  Here we need to avoid confusion by differentiating between "hope" (which I consider an essential), "faith" (which I regularly pray to have), and "expectation", which can be disappointing and can cause us grief. Soulfulness comes ultra naturally to me. I think it is that mystical part of existence that I haven't really seen named. The Zen word "suchness" is very valuable to me and it neutralizes a lot of frustration when I understand that a person or thing is the way he/she/it is because it is his/her/its suchness to be so. And "It is what it is" often is the best advice to fall back on (for me) and I'm very grateful for it.

I find that I'm greatly helped when I remind myself of the Serenity Prayer -- God grant me .... the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (very hard for an empath to do because we're so sensitized to what other beings are feeling), the courage to change the things I can (I try, I try ... and I pray for courage) ... and the wisdom (ah, there's the pivotal point) to know the difference. Amen.  It's a wonderful prayer.  And some of my readers are familiar with my affinity to Nature and its healing power.  Take me to the mountains, the ocean, the forest, a lake, the park, an overgrown part of the backyard!

For anyone who is so inclined, I still have my free "Healing The Earth Family" program components standing handily by. Contact me if you or an east Tennessee group you belong to has an interest. Also, I have a few copies of my highly unique booklet "The Invisible Hand And Awesome power of My Guardian-Guide -- A Divine, Ever-Present Being Of Energy" (a revelation of some of my experiences); the photo art in this booklet has been praised.  I guess $12 is an affordable price for the booklet and postage.  Also I've got three or four copies left of my "Dr. Clara's Music For Esoteric Healing ... (Mind, Body and Spirit"; it's different than anything else that's out there and goes into detail regarding music, keys, peripherals, and color, their correlations even with the Cosmos; this is a slim booklet (13 pages) crammed with information and should be especially interesting to musicians and anyone else who senses the intrinsic value and power of music. These I can send for $7 which includes postage. Please contact me via e-mail at claralandau@yahoo.com or call me at (865) 659-5383.

OK -- meanwhile, let's think Spring!  Think Beauty, think Loving Kindness. Embrace your loved one.  Have faith in the planet's renewal. Have hope for peace and honest, ethical government. Have courage to carry your sign. Thank a tree for oxygen and fellowship. Maybe get some nice rocks and stack them around your flower bed. And send me your thoughts if you would like to :)

Love & the Earth Family --

Well, if there is anything that can upstage Fear and its consequences, it would be Love.  And I'd like to tell you about the program I've recently created to promote love ... the altruistic kind (although I'm a fan of the personal format too).  

Love & the Earth Family is a free program for organizations, clubs, and groups.  It's designed for adults, but I also have a version for kids.  The presentation promotes kindness, respect, outreach, and love ... for ourselves and all creatures, all beings. Included are the speaker (that would be me), print handouts, a beautiful film, and inspiring music.  I'll be offering this locally and regionally (Knoxville, TN area).  Why am I doing this?  I think my answer to that would be that I'm doing it out of a sense of personal gratitude.  For more info, please contact me at claralandau@yahoo.com. 

   

My Notes & Mind-Talk; July 27 Tragedy --

The following relates my personal experience on the morning of July 27, 2008, with every facet I saw, heard, thought, and felt (written in the days following the shooting):

"Annie Jr., the Summer Musical Theatre Workshop Production! A musical ... good ... that will re-energize me" and I feel a sense of excitement. I’ve been going through some personal reinvention recently and, you know how sometimes when you have a time of introspection, the process can seem to bog down; also I’d just handled a major mishap when my truck got contaminated gas and needed a huge repair. I usually turn to my own music as my comfort and meditation. I’m thinking: "I need a musical infusion. This will be good for me – this will be good! We have a lot of talent in our church family." I haven’t been to church in three weeks and today it is time.

It is July 27th and I am going to church today. I am wearing, for the first time, the new, green baby-doll style top my daughter gave me a week ago and a pair of carefully coordinated capri pants. I enter through the right side of the sanctuary (there are entry doors on both sides) as I have done every time I’ve ever attended TVUUC. I’m sitting on the very end seat of the first pew (as I always do); this seat gives me an easy exit if I feel claustrophobic or drink an extra cup of tea that morning and need to use the restroom; it guarantees me a hasty retreat, if need be. I’m always thinking of "if need be" in terms of almost anything. I’m working on that but I think it goes back to survival issues of my teens. This morning I again choose this seat. I feel fidgety. Moments later, for some inexplicable reason, I move back one row, to the seat directly behind my first choice. I soon hear the woman in back of me coughing, something I notice immediately as I'm wary about catching a cold. Well, all is well – I identify her cough as allergy-related ... so I don’t return to the front seat. I try to relax and settle in.

The sanctuary has filled completely...every seat appears to be occupied. I get out my writing pad, so I can make notes to send to my UUA-sponsored prison ministry prisoner pen-pal with whom I exchange letters, spiritual energy, and frivolous chit-chat. He’s a musician and he loves to talk about songs.

I always arrive at church and get seated a few minutes before most of the people populate the sanctuary. It gives me time to screw my head on, get on a spiritual plane, and glance around at the church that gives me so much. I’ve been missing minister Chris for months now (as he’s been on sabbatical); I’m sure everybody has been missing him, and I sit here and think about how wonderful it will be when he returns to the pulpit on August 10th. I feel good.

Greg is standing there a few feet away from me – an impressive-looking man, very large and with a friendly demeanor. He’s almost always standing there with his "order of service" church programs in hand, doling them out one by one as people enter his side of the sanctuary (there is another person doing the same thing on the opposite entranceway).

I can’t help but notice Greg’s beautiful shirt. Usually, I recall, he wears a plain, short-sleeved shirt. Today he has a handsome, festive dark green shirt (it looks sort of silky and flowing) with pictures of soda cans and food items on it (probably to be in party mode for the reception scheduled to take place right after the children’s performance.)

The congregation has heard the church announcements and Greg hands me the collection basket; I put my check in it and pass the basket to the next person in my row. The church is full but more people are straggling in now, looking for a place to sit. Greg hands each of them an order of service.

The actual play is about to begin and its introduction includes mention of several examples of the types of 1930s depression-days situations we will be seeing portrayed ... abandoned children, all kinds of extreme circumstances that we, in 2008, wouldn’t expect to occur. "OK, I think -- expect to see stuff about serious issues". I see parents with their cameras.

The actors march in through the door which is immediately to my left, walk past me and continue on to the front of the sanctuary. Their costumes and makeup are magnificent, perfect! This is no small potatoes production ... these kids really look and act professional. The characters of "Annie" begin to come to life! It is enthralling. I’m very glad I came to church this morning.

The kids do their first scene and song ... it is great! Now they’re doing their second song. Their stage presence is awesome. I do find myself wishing that the music sound track volume would be turned down a bit, as portions of the actors’ voices and words get drowned out by the music. Of course, in the sanctuary where the acoustics create a lot of reverb, perception of the sound quality depends on where you are sitting. Anyway, I’m concentrating on hearing the kids’ words and am sitting sort of twisted toward the right in order to get the best view of the performance.

Suddenly, a horrific bomb-like blast somewhere near and alongside me on the left blows out my hearing; my head is banging inside and has whistling, ringing sounds in it, then nothing. I lose momentary consciousness. "Ooh, here I am again and I’m staring straight ahead. My God ... Greg is on the floor in front of me. He’s lying too still". I'm scared and immobilized.

The play (or something) still seems to be going on, though I can’t really hear. I look to my right towards the performance area, but don’t see anything. Wait, there is a scuffle in front of the door immediately to my left. This is the door the kids had come through moments earlier. This is the door I always use to come and go. I see a man bending over Greg and touching him, then moving away. My head is ringing. Greg is really there. As a second blast takes place, I see a man with a gun and big streaks, like long orange tongues, shoot out about four or five feet in front of where I'm sitting, sort of semi-slumped in the pew. The noise of the 2nd blast accompanies a hard, concentrated feeling of blunt impact on my mid forehead, an inch or so above my eye (on that rounded part of the forehead bone). My head and ear are now majorly hurting and spinning and ringing. The loudness of the blasts is intensified by mics that are set up for the performance. "Please turn it off". My head and ears ache. This isn’t the play.

"What has become of Bill (my former guitar player who is the church’s sound engineer)? He's usually in what he calls "the cave", the sound room, located on one side of the rear of the sanctuary; that thought momentarily flashes across my mind.

My consciousness weaving, I remain immobilized and deafened, though struggling to focus. Suddenly, a male voice comes through loudly and clearly from somewhere that sounds like it's inside my head, "Get down! Get down!" At that moment, it seems weird to me that I am alive and able to move. There is a strong smell of gun powder. Around the time of the 3rd blast, I crouch behind the pew bench that's in front of me (remember I had moved from the original seat?) and make my way along the length of the sanctuary to that inviting sight – the wide open back door. I expect to feel another shot before I make it to the door. The rest of my pew which was jam-packed moments before, is completely empty ... no one is there. It is so weird and I'm really scared. I fly through the door and take a deep breath of the outdoor air; it is heavy, humid, smoggy, and hot, and I thankfully gulp it in! I climb up the grassy hillside toward the woods. I want to run into the woods and hide, but I see one man standing on the grassy hill and I go to him.

*********************************************************
In retrospect: I spent the next two days in tearful, humble gratitude to those who protected me with their heroism; I’d been in very close proximity to the gunman. It is amazing that I am alive. A number of times, I pinched my arm to reassure myself that I was actually alive. I will be eternally grateful to Greg for giving me and others our initial chance to continue living, to the men of the congregation who subdued the gunman and further enabled me to escape, and to the mysterious male voice that told me to "get down" even when I couldn't hear.

My sincere gratitude, always, to the dear man who held me in his arms after I reached the grassy hill outside of the back door.

The source of my head pain was the middle of my forehead slightly to the left; the doctor said that it looked like pellets, "projectiles" had hit me and penetrated ... I had a red, bruised, diveted bump there and, when I could gingerly wash the area, the odd little markings of blood near my hairline washed off. The hospital staff did not lift the bangs of my hair to look at my forehead and, instead, concentrated on my ear and fragmented emotional state. While waiting in the hospital's treatment room, I overheard an EMT loudly and graphically announce to the nurses at the desk, the details of the victims' injuries that he had seen while transporting the two fatally- wounded people to another hospital. It made me even more upset to hear this and I was eager to get out of that emergency room and go home to heal myself. I did not want to be a victim. I absolutely did not want to be named as a victim. I wanted my wound to go away. Thankfully, my hearing returned within the second week and I was able to play my music. During subsequent months, the pellet fragments migrated to the soft tissue of my right sinus cavity and I had an eye hemorrhage that took a month to clear up. At that point, I had a C-T scan, which documented the reality of what had happened. I took earnest measures to heal myself.

The news of the shootings had been carried around the world and much love and support was shown to the TVUUC and Westside UUC congregations.