Very, Very Important Stuff That May Help...

Hello Everybody,
I know I've not been heard from in quite a while; the major reason is that my husband was increasingly incapacitated over the past year or so and I was kept very busy.  But the real thing I want to tell you about isn't as much about me as it could be about helping someone else whose spouse has been tortuously ill and dies. When Jerry passed away on January 14th of this year, he was released into the peace he needed and on the following Sunday he had a lovely service for which I am very grateful ... a great and personable minister, a throng of wonderful friends of his two oldest adult children (my step-children), a major turnout including my and Jerry's daughter, my closest friend, many other dear friends of mine who are fellow musicians, and some who are my fellow animal advocates. There was a lovely picture slide show and the service was glorious!  

There is always "the day after" when I expected to feel whatever people feel on the day after. But it was only a few hours into that day before the onslaught began. There isn't a way I can politely describe the avalanche of medical bills from doctors I'd never heard of, as well as a few I had knowledge of having treated Jerry with treatments I hadn't approved of. I should refer to my late husband as Gerald as that was his preference in recent years.  I dutifully paid each bill a day or so after its arrival, thinking that after a while it will be over.
It wasn't.  It escalated. Weeks later, it became terrifying when I realized that the sizable amount of money that had been in Gerald's accounts was shrinking fast.  I became scared and thought my life will not be worth living (or possible to live) and I started hating my overstuffed mailbox. I began calling the creditors and some of them said that if I pay the bill in full they will give a 20% discount. In those frenzied moments it sounded like they were giving me something. Not true, folks!  Not true!  And here is why:

My new attorney (whom I'd contacted to revise my Will and my friend's Will) told me yesterday that I've been paying bills for which I am not legally responsible. God bless him.  Yes. A surge of hope went through me when he said that.  You see, the lawyer I'd inherited from the legal group I'd had for years when my previous attorney left to do other things, did not tell me what I'm about to share with you.  She appeared to be interested mainly in accessing control of my finances.  Yesterday I learned that if a spouse dies leaving his widow with a P.O.D. on each of his savings accounts, with the house deed being in both names, the surviving spouse immediately gets these things and is not responsible for payment of the deceased person's personal and medical debts.  Tennessee is not a community property state. When I found this out, I had already paid five-digit numbers of dollars and still had more bills coming in, demanding immediate payment.  This morning I've had the freeing experience of telling-off two of the money-seekers. All they needed to get from me was my husband's date of death, with one of them requesting a copy of the death certificate. So ... they know ... but they don't tell us! Yes, this is what our health system has devolved into.  It is big business ... and it's almost impossible to find a doctor who isn't owned by a corporation. Corporations have tentacles that reach into other corporations ... and there is a huge supply of people to initiate bills.  So I've laid it out here, in the hope that what I've said here will help someone else whose spouse has recently died. 

To end on a positive topic ... no, to have a new beginning of a positive topic, through all of this, the music kept me alive; I especially love watching the YouTube music videos of Beverly (Guitar) Watkins ... what a tremendous musician and personality; she passed a month or so ago, but her music lives on. Just Google her name and YouTube and my favorite video of hers is "Rock Me Baby"; it's done like you've never heard/seen before and it actually picks you up so wonderfully.

I'm interested in getting together with other musicians ... I've got the space at my house ... and my house loves to hear music.  So does my dog :)  He sometimes howls with music. Music has great healing energies.  Music is the Universal language ... esoterically and literally ... those planets whirling around up there make music; and you may have noticed that when musicians are playing together, there is no racial strife, no worldly troubles, no politics, no negativity, just bliss :)

Peace and Joy.

Kids & Obesity --

I’ve been reading magazine articles lately and saw the introduction of a television report this evening about overweight U.S. kids and their health problems.

I know there are no simple answers to remedy the dangerous trend of children who weigh way too much; in fact, I think to find answers, quite a few of today’s ways of living would need to be adjusted or overhauled. I may be dating myself with what I’m about to say ... but I clearly remember that there was only one overweight child in my entire elementary school ... and I think her weight was due to family genetics. Sitting here recounting memories of my childhood, I realize the myriad of things that are missing, different, or negative in the lives of today's children in our country.

There are now too many cars in the streets. Years ago, kids were relatively safe in most streets and car drivers knew that kids had the right-of-way. We used to bike ride for miles all day, literally all day.

The girls had two time and energy-consuming outdoor activities that we did almost daily: hop scotch (hopping, tossing a small stone, bending to pick it up, and balancing on one foot on squares we would draw on the sidewalk, street, or in the dirt) and jump-rope (a twirler on each end while we’d each take turns jumping in, jumping in time to one of several chants until we’d miss a step or jump out ... or maybe ‘double-dutch’, with two ropes going at the same time in opposite directions).

Tag – We enjoyed this running, hiding, and chasing game for girls and boys that we did constantly in our neighborhood yards.

Red Light, Giant Steps, and Red Rover were three more outdoor yard games.

Climbing Trees – Yes, I did that and a few other girls did, too, although it was an activity mostly enjoyed by boys. I did much of my childhood reading while sitting in a favorite tree. What a great feeling of connection to Nature, too!

Boys had their own games: the concentration skills of Marbles, played in the dirt or on the sidewalk almost anyplace and Fist-Fighting. I’m serious ... they worked off a lot of energy in playground fisticuffs, boxing-style.

We expended a lot of energy in walking and running, just as a way of getting from one place to another.

I’ve noticed that there are many, many organized athletic, competitive activities for kids; but, that’s just the rub – they are very organized and competitive and, therefore, stressful – and only attempted by kids who don’t mind dealing with stress (or whose parents enjoy cheering on their child’s team). Children's physical games, in the past, were done in situations where the kids were able to create their own "stakes" (of win/lose) among friends; that was very different than competing successfully in front of the general public.

Another factor that is glaring is the lack of open, uncultivated places where kids can play anything freestyle. Except for the few parks (which also, necessarily and properly, serve as a mini-habitat for dwindling wildlife fauna and flora) where such activities are possible, everyone everywhere is concerned with liability. Liability has become big business, so it definitely is a concern if kids are playing or skateboarding on business property (and, let’s face it – almost everything’s paved over as business property or roadway). Schools now are monitored like fortresses, with video cameras and rules galore. When I was a child, you could tell if it was OK to use the playground during non-school hours, by observing whether the swings were attached to the swing frame. And years ago, when we fell or a big kid beat us up, another kid would rush to our home and alert our mother so that she could come to our aid ... nobody got sued. So the issue of liability has changed a lot of things for kids.

There was an "ole swimming hole" at Nesbitt’s in the town where I grew up. It was frequented by many of the boys in town; I think I was the only girl who went there and, when I did, I was escorted by my father and his fishing pole. The swimming hole had a jagged-shaped dirt bank around it; I would say the circumference of the swimming area was about equivalent to a 30-foot pool, by today’s standards. The water was untreated and totally natural, with a few fish swimming in it; it was fed by a large creek surrounded by skunk cabbages. It was very picturesque. Can you imagine such a place existing now ... unfenced, unpatrolled? It was owned property. My guess is that was owned by someone named Nesbitt. The mindset of that day and time was different.

Another large factor that influences the many things that have changed for children (and everybody) is population growth. There were way fewer people a few short years ago ... and there was way more space in any given town.

Too, now there is fast-food. Fast, fat-laden, easily accessible food; kids' school lunches are loaded with unhealthy, processed foods (some of which were unrecognizable last time I looked).

Kids’ recreational choices currently are organized sports, television, video games and (thankfully still existing) reading. I think a lot of kids choose video games. I can sit here today and remember all the things I’ve just written about. The memories are vivid -- some good, some bad. Will today’s kids, many years from now as they think back, remember fondly their activities? Maybe, will they say "yeah and I used to play such and such video game...it was great!" How can we be puzzled about today’s childhood obesity? To me, it’s easy to understand the dilemma kids are in.