Saturday, November 12, 2016

My Take On Bullying ...

I wrote the following in response to a recent media article written by a psychologist who blamed Mr. Trump for the post-election street violence that is taking place in some large cities … AND … claimed Mr. Trump will be the cause of an increase of bullying in schools and other areas of life. To blame Mr. Trump for perceived future bullying is IMO ridiculous. I mean the entire campaign was malicious and devious. The media did their best to create and inflame the news rather than reporting it and, in some cases, media ignored (a kind of bullying) candidates they wanted to push into the background, as in the case of Sanders.  In many ways, it was a very unkind election process.  But my thoughts on bullying are not politically influenced, as I was neither a Trump or Clinton supporter (I voted third party Green). 

We constantly hear about bullying these days. I think that to blame Mr. Trump or anyone for perceived "future bullying" is really off-base, as I am an elderly person and bullying was very alive and active all the while I was a child.  All it takes is for one individual (and his/her posse or accomplice if he/she has one) to pick on a child who seems "alone" or smaller or special in some way.  Both verbal and physical bullying are devastating to the recipient.  As an eleven-year-old, I was thrown from the sidewalk into the street twice by the same gang of teen girls, and as a very young pre-school child, was repeatedly thrown to the ground by a large boy in my neighborhood who sat on me and pummeled me with his fists until my mother would run out of the house in response to my screams (he later added putting one hand over my mouth so I couldn't scream and at that point, my mother talked to his parents about it). I also had a brother who once punched me in the face. The bullying that I was so conditioned to followed me into adulthood and marriage.  One day I responded to bullying by throwing a bag of garbage at the bullying person; I knew I was doing a dangerous thing but it was my moment of turning point.  And typing the word "turning" brings to mind an early conversation in which my father had given me some well-meant advice when I was a kid, but I hadn't followed it.  He said "don't act scared but if a bully starts chasing you, run away (to fool him/her), then when he/she has almost caught you, suddenly stop and turn and punch him/her as hard as you can wherever you can reach with good leverage.  So in essence, the garbage bag was my sucker punch and it worked. IMPORTANT -- This is not advice I'm giving on how to deal with a bully in today's world. I survived bullying because I learned and practiced avoidance techniques and because I have a guardian Angel who works overtime.  In today's world, bullied kids and adults have agencies and resources that can help -- if they know what's going on.  People who are bullied need to find the courage to get over their reticence to report it to proper authorities.  

There will always be bullies in our population because some humans do carry that gene or have been conditioned by their own bullies to pass it on. On a national and world level (bringing this writing back to where it began), I believe Mr. Trump wants to be a good president. Now we need to let the dust settle and stop the bickering and street violence in our country. I believe Mr. Trump and some of the other world leaders are awake to the fact that war is a huge mistake and peace is the prize we should all seek.






2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Bullying is something I believe has touched us all. Be it on the political front or personal. I was a victim of it when I was in school as a kid myself. I believe the perps were kids or people who have been abused by parents or the ones they respect, caretakers, etc. Their inability to deal with their lack of control and the respect from their overseers becomes a vicious cycle of abuse. Bullys are a product of being bullied. Glad you brought this to the attention of everyone.

Clara the Lady Wolf said...

Yes, bullying is very closely aligned with abuse, a topic I covered with hundreds of classrooms, kid's organizations, and adult civic groups during the dozen years I presented my humane education program in Knox and contiguous counties (for a regional humane society). Occasionally a child would tug at my sleeve as I was leaving and would then tell me what had happened or was happening at his or her home. A dear little boy of about nine sobbed as he told me his mom's boyfriend shot his dog right in front of him on the porch of their home. He had no one else he felt safe to tell that to. A little girl gold me she can't get her brother to stop throwing kittens off the garage roof. I would open the abuse portion of my speech with the comment "I hope no one here is being hurt or abused, but if you are, please don't hold it inside ... please tell a person who you trust. It may be a parent, an aunt, a teacher, someone at your church, a policeman ... anyone you truly trust". And I told them that often an abused person holds the hurt and fear in and "passes it on" and hurts another person or an animal ... and I would quickly add "but that's not the way to handle things, is it? We want a better way to handle it." They would quietly nod their heads in agreement. I want to add here that if anyone observes or knows of a child's being abused or being subject to witnessing abuse as in the case of the little boy I mentioned, law requires that you report it to a child protective agency and,in cases involving abuse of an animal to a humane society and police.

So yes,I agree with you about the well-documented Cycle of Abuse. I also do believe, from all I have witnessed, that there is a "gene" or wired-in tendency in some (hopefully few) people to bully or abuse someone (person or animal) who is smaller or alone and/or defenseless. And there is the additional "mob mentality" phenomenon we are seeing in the news.

Bullying does a lot of damage and the subject of abuse makes audiences uncomfortable and sort of unsettled as they sit in their chairs. But it's important to get it out in the open. Thanks very much for your wisdom and courage in commenting on this post.